Monday, August 29, 2005

Hippie Speedball

Over the weekend I drank ginsing tonic and poppy tea. It was kind of like an herbal speedball. The best was taking bonghits while under the influence. Each bonghit was like a nitrious hit, complete over the top head rush, knees wobbling, etc,...I didn't really get that much higher, it was just the act of smoking and getting the insane headrushes which lured me into smoking a good portion of my herb. By Sunday morning I was wrecked, it sounded like I was getting a cold, I slept in and felt hungover. I took it easy until 3pm when I brewed up another batch of poppy tea and went to this party with live music. The music was slow and gooie, the folks were all kind, life couldn't have got much better as I looked beyond the artist into the canyon sunset, slowly turning red to indigo.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Jack Johnson

So I take the whole family to see Jack Johnson. He's cool but certainly more of a favorite with my wife and kids. In fact our kids sing his songs and play their ukeleles, they know more of his lyrics than I do. I made a DVD of our kids singing Jack Johnson songs and my wife wanted to rush the stage and give it to him. Well the stage was some 50 feet away from the front row and the drunk college kid crowd forced us to retreat back further and further from the stage. I suggested to ask the people all lined up near an entrance backstage (They all had what looked like backstage passes) to give it to Jack. I was pretty high off this bhang and had bad cottonmouth so I drank the rest of the bhang despite being way high. Meanwhile the show ends and my wife returns with a back stage after show party pass. She said someone in line gave it to her. So I hung out in line with my wife and the entire crowd cleared out. When it came to marching us all backstage I was discovered as not having a pass but because I was with my wife and kids they let me in. By the time I was feeling an extra bhang boost Jack Johnson comes out and we meet with him and then he goes out and gets his wife to see our kids. It was a great moment but certainly one where I really couldn't say much more than "thanks" to Jack. My kids were in heaven thinking how this is the way life is, you see a big show and afterwards you hang out with the musician. My wife and I were thinking who would believe this? And I like to think that Jack was stoked just to hear "thanks" and secretly wished he was as baked as I was.

Hard Drug

So I gave up on coffee for my new years resolution, and I've been good about not drinking coffee and/or coffee related drinks. It's cool because I see coffee as such a hard drug that it is an empowering thing to do, that is stop drinking coffee. Once the weeklong brainsplitting headache subsides, (coffee withdrawal) you just never want to relive the pain, so it's easy to stay off it once you get over the first two weeks. Now my refraining from alcohol, on top of no coffee ,...I'm pretty much the person I used to be spooked of, sober and religious. Now I'm not religious, nor am I anywhere sober.
So I'm at this party full of professionals who all work hard and enjoy drinking to the point where there are no non-alcoholic beverages with the exception of club soda or tonic. So bored out of my mind, dying to get high, I hang at this party for an hour or so sober as can be. I start munching on these chocolate covered something or another when, after my fourth fistfull of these yummy chocolate goodies, I notice that they are chocolate covered COFFEE BEANS!!
Needless to say, I was unfazed by the bowl I smoked on the way home, or the bowl I smoked when I got home, or the handful of Kava Kava I swallowed at 2am. I think it took several days before all those beans got out of my system. Like I said it's a hard drug!

Friday, August 19, 2005

New Car

I had puffed quite a bit prior to going into the car dealership because I know how sometimes these kinds of places are. While super Irie I not one bit influenced and/or manipulated by car sales people. I check out the cars while some dude goes on and on about how this is the car for me and these cars are selling fast. I check things out while the sales dude chatters about how cool this car is. I ask a simple question what's the capacity? I seem to stump them all,...they quickly read over the window sticker to get the info. I don't tell them but I need to know about how many bowls it would take to hotbox the car. I consider puffing a few bowls while I take it out for a spin to really test the capacity, but with this recent herb I got,....the dude would think I ran over a skunk.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Every so often my man hooks me with some primo herbs. The problem is that having primo herbs brings out the joneser in me. Now that I'm back at work it's like having wrapped presents that you can't open,...yet. All day I'm thinking about the herb. I check the time at work, just briefly and boom it's 4:20 or I decide to play my yahoo radio and boom it's Bob Marley calling me out, I drive home and boom I feel like the only one who truly appreciates the smell of the skunk which was run over. I get home and I swear I can smell it tucked away in a glass jar with a sock over it, in my dresser drawer, with the door closed. When I finally get a chance, I realize it's not the high but rather the smell and flavor of the herb which I like so much,...but after contemplating that thought for 30 minutes I realize that perhaps, the high is there too.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Coming Down Again

Monday was my first day back at work in over 35 days. My friend asked me how it was and I said,"Other than cold sweats, general itchiness, and depression, was fine." Work forces sobriety, and with the recent Poppy Tea sessions sobriety feels like a bad Independent movie with all these characters interacting with you. All these demands to perform and produce and I do it because I have to, by performance and production I'm off the hook from my habits,'s when the habits effect the performance and product, thats you have problems. I the mean time, I don't want any problems, so I gotta get ready for work.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Slip and Slide

I spend the last few days of my summer break high as a kite on Poppy Tea, taking periodical bong hits inbetween slip in slide sessions out in the 100+ weather. The Slip in Slide is a deluxe model which starts with an air matress slide into a pool of water, so you do your slipping on what looks like a wet air matress, then it drops you off into the pool,...I know that sounded redundant but it's real and it's real fun despite the clear warning, "not intended for adult use." What about adult users? Anyhow, I know it's the poppies but damn life is great not a worry in the world. Also the poppies seem to have an effect on my sexual performance which allows me to keep going for hours! My wife is all impressed with my new found endurance and internal happiness. I wake and bake and make tea to set me free. Being free of alcohol has been a blessing too. Plants only need apply.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Poppy Tea

What makes you sick makes you better. Everything I drink the tea I fell sick to my stomach for hours afterwards. A small price to pay for an unbelievable high which reminds me of mushrooms in the sick whoa kind of feeling. I'm under water fighting the tidal swells of my brain, communicating with people is an act in itself, Pulp Fiction. I've been on it in an effort to reduce my consumption of herb, but that didn't last as I figured a puff now and again on the tea makes the high rush into a peaking state even after hours of being high. Get the poppies on eBay, grind them, and put them in hot water like for tea, don't boil just steep for 10 minutes. I try to eat prior to reduce the nausea. It comes on in 30 minutes or so and lasts for at least five hours. Total mental vacation, wear dark shades, funky shirts and play it up like a functional junkie.

Light My Fire

Traveling with kids on a plane sober is a nightmare. By the time we recovered a total of nine pieces of luggage, picked up our car from the inexpensive parking "off-site", and put on two carseats correctly in the dark of this sketchy Oakland lot surrounded by the meanest looking barbed wire I've ever seen,...we hit the road by 1:30am. The only thing I had going was a couple hours of Jet lag in my favor, I bottle of tejava, and a fatty rolled a week earlier to prepare for times like these. I drank the tejava out of dehydration and on a empty stomach, it got me rocking out to talk radio and wondering exactly how much liner does one have in their stomach? Now traveling with your family one must take precautions like don't fire up that doob until you are on your home stretch. So around 3:30am I bust out the doob only to discover no fire. That's right nothing to lit it with. I woke up my wife like a tweeker, in a panic, "Do you know where some matches are?!" We were in farmland nowhere, a bullfrog made a noise I swear it sounded like ,"gannnn JAH" It was the longest 30 minutes of my life driving home. With everyone asleep except me, I smoked the entire joint outside checking out my garden in the moonlight. I went inside and checked out the pile of mail. The surprise was discovering the box of dried poppies, all 50 of them loosely packaged with the sound of seeds penetrating the box. My ebay connect hooked me up. In the excitement, I spent the next 2 hours into sunrise, crushing them, separating seeds, and grinding them down into powder. At one point, though being tired and high, I thought the seeds all over the table were tiny black ants crawling everywhere,...I knew at that point I had to go to sleep.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Muffin a Day

By the time I successfully arrived in Kauai, I had exactly 7 muffins left,....a muffin a day I thought. However, by the sixth day I realized that I must have consumed a tad more than a muffin a day. I had the crumbs of about one more muffin left and two days left. I decided to save it for the last day which made me go sober for the entire day. At sunset, I saw two guys smoking a bowl at the beach and I quickly explained my story about being a user, being sketched going through the airport, and jonesing for a hit of herb. I was jonesing but I didn't tell them that I had been stoned 24/7 on mighty muffins that would keep you high all day. Needless to say the karma caught up with me, as they politely said,"we just finished the last of our herb." That made me jones even more! By the time we got back into town we stopped to eat and ordered a Mai Tai for the sake that I was needing a break from being sober. It was the first alcohol of the summer, and when I took my first sip it was so strong that I couldn't drink it,...yes that's right too strong! Was it really too strong or was it my soberity with alcohol? I never complianed that a drink was too strong but this was the turning point for me. I'm done with it, I asked the waitress to pour out half and fill with pineapple juice but she never brought another one back and I was more than satisfied.
The last day I offered a bit of muffin to my wife who swore off ganja food after eating some of my brownies in Tahoe, really was only a half of brownie but it sure did get her there and beyond, she ended up puking like a frat boy. Anyhow she took a pinch and claims that she was stoned all day, on the otherhand ate what seemed like more than a muffin, as a result I remained perfectly baked snokeling and building sand castles all day.
It was a kind of day where you would say "sunglasses" over and over again until you got them otherwise you would forget why you left the water to go up to your backpack on the beach. And from the time it took to zip up a backpack, could successfully lose them. I figured if those were my greatest stressors of the day then I was doing pretty good.

Explosive Muffins

It seemed back in the day I was always going through airport security with herb and a pipe,...I even recall smoking a bowl in an airplane bathroom that had a smoke alarm! (Just exhale through the sink drain which has an amazing amount of suction!). Nowadays I'm paranoid, is it a function of getting older? Having more to lose? or is it the fucked up Federal Government and their TSA bullshit which essentially gives them the right to look for anything and be rude all at the same time. SO when I decided to make brownies for my trip I got to thinking perhaps they look too much like plastic explosives while being xrayed, and then when they discover brownies on a flight to Kauai they put two and two together and boom I'm busted. SO I tried RaisinBran Ganja Muffins, Pot brownies sure, but pot muffins,...unheard of. I labeled it "wheatfree" so I would be able to explain that I needed them for a snack and that I had wheat allergies. Well just in case I did get busted or they took them I decided to eat a couple muffins prior to the airport. By the time we hit the airport security I was going in slow motion with my wife having to do all the talking. Approaching the checkpoint I had a flashback from the movie, "Midnight Express." I then thought about the night before when my wife talked me out of bring five fat joints in the luggage. My habit had been magnified,...I didn't want to spend seven days in Kauai without herb. I then said to my wife,..perhaps this trip I can clean out a little and go straight? She smiled and said, "hell no! I may be the classic enabler but I do not want to hang around you when you are such a natural type A testoserone driven asshole!" I agreed, I didn't like myself in that condition either, so we compromised with the muffins.