Saturday, October 29, 2005

Bonghits R Us

I think I only had one night this week where I didn't get high.
What I see is that, the more sober I get, the more stress I feel. I try everything, exercise, sex, meditation, etc,...nothing quite hits the spot like a bonghit or two. Exercise is fun and racketball keeps me present, but it's hard to find the time. Sex is awesome, better than herb, but only after the kids have gone asleep and we have a window inbetween kids waking up and crying. Meditation is cool but it's kind of like work in disguise because it's hard for my brain to turn off and tune in. I also find myself with a bad case of the giggles when I meditate with others (Poor confused mind!).
Since it's 12:06am and I haven't officially puffed this bong hit, I suppose that makes two days!

JahJah Blessings!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Smo-King



Another victory for pot smokers! I knew it wasn't that bad...

Monday, October 24, 2005

When Was the First Time You Got High?

My wife calls me at work. She sounds like she has terrible news. She describes a box that came in the mail for me that she put on the table. After checking her email she discovers that our oldest boy has not only opened the sealed box with a sharp knife but then proceeded to down an entire vial of homeopathic medicine. "My Homeopathic Cannabis!!" I shout without realizing that I was still at work. "That's right and he's O.K. but,....let me put it this way, it certainly works, he's been having hallucinations lying down on the couch for over an hour." I hear him yell, "Give me five I'm still alive!" I hit the anger stage, "Why wouldn't you put those kinds of things out of reach!" She replies, "I called the doctor and he will be fine." I think it's not the child it's the herb but I know better that to say that. I hit the resolution stage, I say in a serious tone, "O.K. well for his consequence he will have to watch the entire DVD I just downloaded,..It's called the Darkside of the Rainbow, It's essentially the picture of The Wizard of Oz set to the soundtrack of Pink Floyd's Darkside of the Moon." She laughs and says, "I'm glad you are back to your old self!"

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Are we being invaded in the comments section?

The past 2 comments look like commercials. Say it ain't so!

I think it's time to make the comments only available to registered blogger users. What do you guys think?

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Top Ten

Travelzoo's top ten is always a delightful weekly email. I check out the deals and daydream, occasionally I see something that is hard to shake.
Amsterdam: 4 nights lodging, roundtrip, daily breakfast, canal cruise, and tickets to a museum celebrating Rembrandts birthday. And wait departing during a time when I have a random week off in February. Wait there's more! All this for $399.99!! (taxes and fees approx. $200, departure from New York, California residences add $189)
So I obsess for 24 hours, I picture being a judge at some annual Cannabis Competition, or with a group of pros like us. Then I daydream about going solo, most endings are tragic so I decide I must at least go with a friend, then I do the math in the small print and realize that I could always buy and smoke a bag of herb big enough to make me believe I'm in Amsterdam. And the high could easily last straight night 4 nights. With that realization, I found myself done with the whole jones. There is always next week.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Pills

Dammit - it's so good to read this blog after weeks away. I just wanna say to DRUG USER and JAHJAH - you are my brothers - i love you guys!

JAHJAH - the balance will occur naturally - you'll see.

I'm sittin here waiting for my ambien to kick my ass.
My allergies have been nutso today - I don't think I've had this bad of allergy attack since I was 10. So, of course I've been gulping allergy pills all day to beat the beast back into it's cage. Hopefully the allergy pills and the ambien won't fight eachother to be the king of my body tonight. Ambien should win. Hopefully dammit. Go Ambien!

I am (without a doubt) addicted to ambien.
My mother is too. I take it every night. I have to, or I don't sleep. But ya know what? It sure does make me sleep well. I feel pretty well rested lately - and this is rare.

Don't know if I told you this, but I quit drinkin in January - then came back to the light about late August. BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED - no longer an abusive "relationship". I drink now like most normal people. A beer here and there or a glass of wine with a fine meal. Yeah. Wow. I guess I've just gotten used to not being drunk all the time.

Shit - I think the pills are fighting. My heart is racing.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Fake Concerns

3 Ounces of bourbon and about a bottle of wine later I sit my ass down to write. I'm definitely drunk. I wouldn't drive a car now, espcially with gas prices the way they are. Now if I were driving a Prius that would be a different story. I would do donuts around the cops. How much fun would that be?

So today I drink because I am weak to experience my emotions unclouded by the fog of alcohol. This is who I am at times. Real. Addicted to intoxication. Looking to bend my brain in different directions. But lately it's been in the same brain-cell extinguishing saturation that I seek day after day. I enjoy it at times and those times I'm not enjoying it, I'm looking forward to enjoying it. Whether that time is merely 24 hours, 12 hours, 2 days... (not these days) or masked in the mere desire to quit because it's good for me. Nah! Not yet...

I'm yawning now. I'm old. One day I'll be taken out back and shot if I already haven't been when I was a child.

Optimistic and infinite...

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Snowblind

Last night I celebrated my 2nd month in my new home. There's nothing like partying alone, which, by virtue of being single there's not much else to do. After a day splitting several rounds of wood into managable chunks that would fit into my fireplace and stacking a truckload of logs, I picked up four pints of German beer from my favorite liqor store called "Pirates Alley." In true celebratory form, I toasted to a job well done as I began to marinate my salmon in beer, braggs aminos, maple syrup, garlic and spices. Several beers later I busted into the bourbon, the weed and eventually the wine. When I woke up I found a plate with mustard and barbque sauce and two corn dog sticks by my bedside and it occured to me that it was "one of those nights." Upon further investigation I found an empty pint of ginger ice cream in the trash along with alfalfa sprouts on the counter. I always wonder the day after heavy drinking, why I binge on munchies when I had a perfectly healthy dinner to begin with. Anyway I digress. So I'm laying there in bed not wanting to get up and feeling super cozy while the wind blew outside. Then I pushed back the verticle blinds a little and saw, through my squinting eyes, rain falling and cris-crossing. As I sat there, I began seeing big snow flakes mixed in with the rain. Pretty soon it was just full-on snowing. Like a little kid, I jumped out of bed to check it out. Yep, it was snow alright. I picked up the phone and began looking for people to call and share this news with. But I knew no one would really understand. So it was back to me and my self-contained excitement.

Last nights debauchery consisted of:
4 pints of german ale
at least 6 shots of bourbon
3-4 bong rips
1-2 glasses of wine

No hangover!
Should I be concerned?

Spare change for a hippie?

So I am stressing on work, getting high, being present, stressing on work, getting high, being present. At the present I am reminded of the movie the beautiful mind as I walk into the computer room of my house. This small room is my space when it comes to my true great hobbie, searching for and downloading music and music videos, 24/7. I have stacks upon stacks of cdrs and dvds across the desk with Sharpies everywhere. Stacks and stack of school work skattered in piles across the room,...you get the picture?
I've been getting high and ODing in the seratonin levels with hot baths, hayden, early pink floyd, Ben and Jerrys, Green Tea, home alone, peace,....ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
You are who you are when you are with yourself.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Brainfood


Click Here and Enjoy

Go on, have some more...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Burnt Bowls

The other night my dear wife suggested that I only take a hit or two and then see how that works. I explained that I was simply trying to clear the bowl so it wasn't so stinky stored away. Of course the bowl is quite a party bowl, and really I was trying to erase the stress of the day by finishing off the burnt bowl to pack a fresh one. I guess it illustrates the difference between use and abuse. I stopped after finishing the bowl, (about 7 good bts) and did not pack a fresh one as planned.
I got to thinking about packing bowls. I've seen people pack a one hitter, me on the otherhand prefers to fill it to the top and pack it tight so it burns like charcoal. I also felt awkward in social sessions where I would pack something and feel either like I'm bogarting trying to finish off what I started or disrespectful handing someone a burnt bowl Perhaps I'm lazy, I don't like picking off bits and pieces of buds to pack just the right amount, or perhaps I perceive the herb becoming lesser quality when molested in such a manner. In fact I usually pack any bowl in such a way that it takes a couple clogged hits before the action really begins.
It's like potato chips, I open the bag and I finish them. Sports drinks and quarts of juice, I open and finish them off in one session despite the fact they come with a cap.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Shift

Upon visiting my old stomping grounds of Santa Cruz, I found myself feeling foolish that all I packed for the trip was a bowl. Two days in Santa Cruz with only one bowl of herb should be made illegal. It wasn't too long ago that the bowl would have lasted about the time I took to get on the freeway. Then here it is, Wednesday morning and I haven't been high since late Sunday night when I returned from Santa Cruz late and all jacked up on tea. And I fall asleep just fine. I do crave getting high now and again (especially after stressful days at work) and I do jones for the day that my homeopathic Cannabis and the "I can smoke herb legally" certificate comes in the mail. But still I'm not following through with the jones. There has been a slight paradigm shift in the way I view the herb. I've always viewed herb as medicinal but now it's more like the thing I use when I can't go to sleep, or the thing I use when I'm grumpy and/or short on patience. Perhaps in the past I was proactive about ensuring domestic Tranquility by being high 24/7 now it's more "use as needed."
I still have been taking 5-HTP daily and throughout the day I use this tincture from the Herbpharm called, "Good Mood Tonic"- the title alone can create one! At night, chamomile tea, occasional Melatonin, and this product from Gaia Herbs "Sound Sleep" which is a combination of herbs: Valerian, Kava Kava, Passionflower, Cali Poppy, Skullcap and Hops.
The funniest thing is how I've been a bit more grounded and while still under stress, it doesn't seem like the sky is falling and everything is close to crumbling. Quite a shift.