Friday, July 22, 2005

You know you have good herb when,...

You know you have good herb when,...
You can't remember why you logged onto the Internet.
You enjoy mudane chores.
You pull up and don't remember driving.
You wake up to take a piss in the middle of the night and you decide to take a bonghit

and with the latest herb,...

You book a flight for your family to go to Kauai for a week when you don't even have enough money to buy a used car to drive to work.
You book a hotel near San Francisco Airport when your flight actually leaves Oakland Intl. Airport some 40 minutes away.
You know you can pull off cheap accomodations with your wife and two kids by either sleeping in the rental car or beach camping.
You wake up in the middle of the night panicing over the best way to praise Jah while getting through airport security. My wife says, buy it there and I say, make mass quantities of goo balls!

Aloha-Jah Guide and Provide

PS My summer intake has made me feel like I have enough resin in my lungs to stone a village. Ingestation is great when shake is available but have you ever experienced a brownie during summer temps 100+ degrees?! I crave alcohol and enjoy torturing myself by studying the beer selection at any given store, mentally purchasing and pricing out what I want, and then I walk away, even when my wife says, get a beer if you're gonna stand there for fifteen minutes! I love the torment and feel a sense of self efficacy when I can turn away.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A JahJah Brownie Experience

JahJah - I am your biggest fan! You rock brother - I love reading your entries.
The other day I printed them out (from the past few months) and read them on my lunch break. I kept thinking to myself: DAMN, THIS GUY ROCKS!

Well -last Friday I went home and opened my freezer. In the freezer I had a few left over brownies (the special kind). I took the biggest one out and placed in on a plate and into the microwave. DING - then ate it. An hour or 2 later - whilst on the phone talking to a friend - the sizzle began. It was like a light drizzle - a pre-rain drizzle - raining on the inside of my head. I could feel it work it's magic. The conversation got worse and worse - till my buddy said "ummm ...okay man...uh, I'll talk to ya later."

By then it was raining inside my head. I got up and looked around the room. I asked myself that classic question: "Am I stoned enough?" - (which, if you have to ask that question, then you most likely are). Now, pay attention here: I don't usually get stoned - in fact it's very rare. And I could feel my brain teetering on the edge of self-evaluation-introspective-hell. So I was at a virtual fork in the road of the soul. One way: Hellish deep thoughts - the other way: Dub Delight. Of course I chose the Dub Delight dammit.
I found 2 great sources of fun dub music:
(1) an internet radio station called Dublab
(CLICK HERE FOR DUBLAB RADIO) although lately they haven't been playing dub - weird.

(2) a great podcast called PuffCast
- for podcast, if you know how to add it.

So yeah - I was baked. And it was fun dammit. I kept thinking - this is what JahJah is talkin about. I layed on my bed listening to DUB! And for those who don't understand what DUB is: CLICK HERE -->WHAT IS DUB MUSIC?

After a while I had the munchies - so I made a burrito and drenched it in hot sauce (mmm) - ate that with the last of the Pringles CheezUms. Then I made a funny commercial for Pringles CheezUms - which you can watch HERE. It was great fun. It was nice to experience this kind of THC perfection. This could be my new weekend fun. No more drinkin (since January), so fuck. Gotta have somethin. Gotta experience life to the fullest fucking degree. And pot has no hangover!

One thing that comes to mind, however - is: ...this was fun, but I was alone.
This may not be as fun while hanging out with others who are not "in-tune" - could be a drag.
I'll try it again this weekend and let you know. Anyways - here's to you JahJah - I raise my brownie to you.


Sunday, July 17, 2005

How to get High in the Woods without the Young Ones Knowing

Family camping trips are a great way to get out and enjoy nature. Add Mother Nature’s herb and you are on your way to enjoy any outing. While my kids are still young enough to have no clue about Daddy’s habit, I did recently go out camping for 10 days with my nephews who are ages 10 and 12. This presented a totally new challenge because not only are they more aware of sites and smells they are also very snoopy and sneak around themselves trying to find the hidden stash of chocolate, soda and or gum. I became inspired to help others out with this challenge by providing a guidebook to getting high without your younger party knowing why you are now suddenly in a better mood.

Wake and Bake- Being a morning person I found myself getting up early and just smoking entire bowls solo with Nature. In fact, I really tried to get so high that I wouldn’t need to get baked again until early afternoon. Problem was that getting really high in the morning makes for slow departure times, so after getting high you start to make a huge pot of tea.

Ingestibles of choice: Bhang and brownies, both provide excellent long term highs that can become virtually unnoticed with a good supply of water and Visine.
My Bhang I labeled “Nerve Tea- Do Not Drink!” The kids actually thought I had some sort of nerve problem which works great when it comes to controlling their behavior. “Ya’ll better quiet down your Uncle has a nerve problem.” But the bhang did not last much longer than a day or two. The brownies were a blessing but they were dangerous to have stashed as they would be a tempting find for any young kid. In fact there were times that I thought that the unusual kid behavior I was seeing was a result of one of them getting into my brownies. When the entire pan was consumed in less than a week (The temptation to see how much I can consume and still be awake always pulls me in the direction of mass consumption.) I had to resort to smoking.

To smoke without being caught you basically need to have an excuse to be solo.

“I got to go back and get something in my car.”- Always a great way to return to the car and hot box the car. Be sure to crack the windows though because the odor and smoke seem to linger.

Throw a slight fit of frustration and then announce- “I just need some time alone, I’m going to take a short walk by myself.”

My personal favorite, “I need to take a shit in the woods.” No one will follow you and you have a great excuse to wash your hands when you return.

Delegate the older kids to watch the younger ones. Since the younger ones require constant supervision and they go all over the place, it usually keeps them occupied enough to burn one down.

And now the tools of deception:
Clear Eyes and or Visine
A tincture of “Peppermint Spirits” Mentha piperita Liquid extract from the HerbPharm- Caution very strong, a few drops are all you need. However, if you have terrible cottonmouth you can take a dropper full and it’s so strong that it will instantly make your mouth water.

I hardest thing though is keeping your supply hidden and secure. Also as a smoker you are never really sure how bad you reek because you just don’t smell yourself in the same light!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Coffee - the New York drug

What is it? What is my problem? Is it the weather? The humidity? You can slice it with a knife - feels like I'm living in a pressure cooker. The air is like hot slime, dog breath, a thick nasty fog of heavy filth. Each minute that I waited at the subway elevated platform this morning was like waiting in a sauna - unbearable. Strange how we all hate our jobs, but yet we would trample any old lady in our way to get there on time... and after 5pm - everyone is in a panic to get down the stairs of the subway in Grand Central and get on that train - as if there was a fire or as if it they were in a million dollar race. Or do I just need a cup of coffee? Am I out of place? Lately I cannot seem to sleep - no matter what I do. It may very well be that I have deep psychological desires that remain unexplored, and virtually ignored - and this may be why I can never sleep. It's as if my brain wakes up to live it's true life at around 7pm. During the working hours of 8am to 5pm - I'm brain dead and it's no wonder. I feel like a circle jammed into a square hole. This is my life. On the 12th floor of a large highrise building in Midtown Manhattan. I'm a "temp"... it's 10:45am on a Friday... and I could fall asleep right now.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Resign to resin

Happiness is:
not a warm gun,...but the hot summer sun
Getting irie having fun

It had been a while since I had the opportunity to smoke an entire joint without worries about sneeking around and smoking and driving. Under a shade tree in a bench swing viewing the family garden. Flowers and vegetables appear to sprout out of the green backyard lawn. Probably 100 degrees and the first smoke in over 20 hours. The joint started leaking resin towards the roach, it had been a while. Chillin' blowing out the last resinous hits down to my cat Nesta, (Bob Marley's middle name) the Lion of Judah who has been seeing this scene since his kitten days when I was able to literally hot box a single wide trailer!
I went in to freshen up as everyone was soon to return when,..I smiled in the mirror and there it was,... the glob o' resin right on my front tooth! Close call!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Family Vacation

AAhhhhhh stoned again and at last! Having family guests stay at your home is hard for the user. In fact I first tried to see it as a positive thing, like it's a good way to cut down on smoking herb (besides I made up a big batch of bhang), but after the bhang ran out I found myself rolling and smoking spliffs on the way home, being sure to stop at some random place to scrub the marijuana smell off my fingers, hit the Clear Eyes, and pop in a Jolly Rancher. I started feeling like I was back in time as a high schooler getting home to my parents house. Then the doob would wear off right around the time your trying to go to bed, leaving me stay up obsessing on rolling a fatty which I end up doing around the time you think everyone is asleep.
The other night the family members were all right by the front door to greet me after smoking the roach from the drive home. "There is this weird smoke entering our room." I quickly respond,"Yeah I smell that from time to time." wondering if I reek or if they are going to call my bluff. "I think it's the exhaust on these new kind of motocycles." my family member says and they all retreat back to their guest room. I stay awake wondering about the motocycle comment, wondering if they really knew and were fucking with me or that they are that out there to consider a quiet neighborhood might have exotic motocycles cruising at 11 pm smoking up the neighborhood. hummm I think I was right back as I was a teenager, asking the same questions of my parents.
What's really funny about all this is that I packed away all the smoking utensils so I'm just rolling doobs left and right, typically while I drive around and around in my neighbor smoking while going to the postoffice (wink wink nudge nudge). I'm so bad off that I find myself pleading with my wife, "please take them somewhere anywhere just for 30 minutes, please. I successfully got my wife to agree to a couple hours tomorrow while I whip up a batch of brownies,...she hates to see me in this condition.
See my habit is just that, I get high and try to stay high, only at work do I refrain, so while high it's like a script for an attitude adjustment and personality type transformation, super irie, super blessed, super positive, super mellow and patient,..Yes I. So outside family pretty much bumms my high when they stay for an extended period of time with no terminal point, as of yet. Furthermore what are my plans this summer,...see family! Even the Oregon Country Fair will be enjoyed with,.....that's right,.family. Don't get me wrong if I didn't love my family I wouldn't visit or invite, it's just this latest visitation and future visitations do force me to look at my habit in a different light. I would love to turn down a beer and say no thanks I just get high now, imagine the looks on their faces.
So I woke tonite around midnight feeling herb deprived and thinking about how earlier I was able to unpack my glass bubbler out of the garage without anyone catching me and for old time sakes, I stashed it down my underwear and hurried into my room, but wasn't able to smoke any because everything was hectic and impossible for me to disappear again. So I got up and rolled seven joints, then packed a fresh skunk bud the exact size of the bowl, and I smoked it outside, blowing the hits straight up into the starry night until I was at that point that lets me know that I'm high, you know where you wonder how long you had been standing around outside smoking and wondering when did you first start hitting the collective resin at the bottom of the glass?, was beautiful, now I will pop some Kava Kava soak in a bathtub. Blessings