Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Still Sober,..kind of

Of the five new year's resolutions I made, I have good on two of them still. No drinking with an open container and no drinking coffee. The coffee is the hardest because it's all around and I love the bean, the open container one only comes up now and then when I'm driving home after a long day at work and my stomach is grinding from drinking tea all day and I want to switch gears before I get home.
Lately I've been drinking less and ingesting more. Last weekend I ate so much ganja food and drink that I swear my stools smelled like herb! The problem with ganja food and drink is that I usually can't talk with people while under the influence, so I avoid people which makes me more and more fit the type of druggie you only hear about. I haven't gotten to hiding under the bed when company drops by, I certainly feel the effort it takes to get out.
A good friend came by this weekend, I haven't seen him in five years. Now we both had two kids and became fathers. His big trip was that,"Once my daughter was born I decided not to party as much or smoke herb." I said,"Once the second one was born I decided to stay stoned every spare breath!" Well, it turned out that I found myself sneaking away to fill my bong throughout the weekend and being so loaded on ganja food that I probably wasn't making much sense anymore. But I cherished the fact that I was a laid back parent who enjoyed being with my kids and giving them my stoneyass attention. The sober friend on the otherhand, had an edge on him that had a tendency to micro manage every move. He was bitchy, irritable, and controlling. I thought how we had changed from the fun loving single dead heads to the married with children adults. He grew up and took on life in a new and serious manner, and I stayed the same and got lucky. Lucky to have great entertaining children who know more Bob Marley songs than your traditional row row row your boat kind of songs, a challenging career which pays the bilss and allows my wife to stay at home, and a wife who knows me, takes care of me and sees the importance of keeping my herb jar full.
I'm far from sober, but sober enough to know that I'm blessed.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Still sober (after 7 weeks)

Hey all,

I'm still Rokken like Dokken.
Still Sober.
Sorry - I've been missing lately. I've been doing more lately since I stopped drinking.
(Gotta do something with myself)

Do I miss it? Yeah. I was good at drinking. I could just keep drinking until I passed out or the world ran out of alcohol... which ever came first.

But I feel like this is a tattoo. This choice I made to stop drinking.
I'm going to these Agnostic AA meetings every Wednesday night in the Upper East Side. I love that group. The stories they tell. I should write 'em down in here for you guys (change the names for privacy reasons). Some of the stories are intense, powerful, and dark. Some are silly. They want me to speak soon on my 90 days. I will. I think it's gonna fuck them up though. My story is by far the darkest.

Well I gotta get to bed.
DRUG USER and JAHJAHFUE - I miss ya guys. WRITE MORE (everyone).

-BUBBA

____Dio____


if you don't understand DIO
...then I don't understand YOU!

Only Users Lose Drugs

Don't you hate it when you find that lost roach in your ashtray while you are driving your boss to get his car? Or discovering frozen ganja brownies behind the icetray in your freezer in front of children who demand at least a bite of your find? How about reaching into your spice cabinent to discover a jar full of shake while cooking with your neighbor?
I'll remember to put the ganja and bong in the garage because the lanlord is coming over, but there are no guarantees he won't find anything else,...like my son running around with the VAPIR sling pretending it's a scuba tank, sucking on the mouthpiece,...

Friday, March 11, 2005

27 signs that you're an alcoholic

(abridged because of 97% unadulterated suck)

3. Job interfering with your drinking.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
18. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
and Women.

i'm not sure 18 pertains...

Monday, March 07, 2005

Is there anybody out there?

I sure as hell hope you made it through the night comfortably numb or not! Moments like that make me think that a) It was your time to go your job here was finished and I was simply blessed to crossed your path or b) You were supposed to go but you didn't because you have good work ahead of you and your job hasn't been complete, in other words you have a greater and higher purpose not yet met.
I spent the weekend ensuring that I had a long sustained high via pot butter. Which was quite awesome as we went to this magical place that was blooming wildflowers so vibrant and colorful it was quite psychedelic. I still can close my eyes and see.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Assessment

At this very moment I am very wasted. If anyone reads this, please call to make sure I am still alive. Today I went snow boarding. We started around 8:30, ate and drank my first 16oz Hefenwizen around 10:00. After getting back to the slopes I ate shit hard, falling on my already damaged rib. I went on two more runs and called it a day (around 11:30). My ribs hurt when I walked and when my heart would beat. So I changed into some comfortable clothes and then went up to the lodge and ordered another Hefenwizen while my friend snowboarded more. Before leaving the mountain I verified that I was indeed getting some vicodin tonight. So on the way out of town I loaded a fresh bowl and took a big cougher off the pipe.

Once home I took two vicodin, made about 3 pints gin and tonics and then took two large BT's. I'm fucked up now. I pray I make it through the night.

One of the contributors may want to contact me to do a pulse check...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

The taste of sapphire

Failure is the mindset for failures. I've yeilded one day of sobriety for the month of March. Last night I couldn't help it. Our friend came over and he had recently broken his hand by punching a wall. This guy is the most non-violent guy I know, so that, in and of itself is puzzling. Anyway, there I was reading up on investing with my door ajar. I could hear him in the kitchen asking my roommate if there was any munchies in the house. Then he said something unintelligible and all I heard was Vicodin. At that moment I leapt from my bed opened the door and marched down the hall. I said. "did I hear something about Vicodin?" He started laughing. Then my roomate interjected and said our buddy has a scrip for Vicodin due to the broken hand. So now we are paying him to fill his scrip so me and my roommate can split it. Our friend said he usually throws his pills in the garbage, especially vicodin. I was aghast. He assured us he would fill it so we could buy it off him.

So last night I chewed my last vicodin, as is customary. I call it "the crusher." Basically I break down the pill in either two spoons or simply bite it into chunks with my teeth, washing it down with a gin and tonic. Last night there was no gin and tonic so I settled for water and bong hits. I did research until midnight.

Tonight was the night we were supposed to get our vicodins. We waited. And waited. Finally our friend called and told us he was in Santa Monica and he was taking his girlfriend out for her b-day dinner. We tried to get him to take her to a drive-thru so we could get our shit faster. No such luck. Instead I am imbibing in a gin and tonic minus the magical accompaniment I had been anticipating. Perhaps I'll have a few BT's tonight for good measure.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The Function of Work

I need to work, in fact I work two jobs. I don't drink or smoke herb while at work, it's just impossible and the demands of my cognitive functioning skills are always in demand, not to mention the demand of effective communication skills. To this end, work prevents me from drinking and smoking herb which when working lates cuts down on my overall intake. Granted some nights I get home and I'm stressed so I partake but mostly I'm exhausted so I get home and sleep. Yesterday was a completely sober day, even though each time I woke up to go to the bathroom I had the urge to smoke a couple bonghits as if in my brain considers smoke bonghits as one of many daily tasks to do. I got to thinking I too can go sober if I simply work a lot, but life is too short to work so much. Weekends I find myself waking and baking, having pot butter on my toast and waiting until noon to start drinking all the while, consuming massive amounts of caffiene in the form of green and black teas. During the weekdays when things get busy, it serves the purpose of offseting the overall average.

Monday: one bowl of fresh green bud
Tuesday: Nothing

I still have kept two out of the five new years resolutions: don't drink (have an open container) and drive* and no coffee. * I can be legally intoxicated while driving, and even smoke while driving but NO OPEN containers.

PS DrugUser: Good luck of the Month of March especially around the 17th. I say give up hard liquor for a month, instead of strict sobriety.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Poison eyes

Nothing to report today - just lot's of research. I want to try and give up the booze for at least a month. It's tough because I like it. But it's even more fucked up when I can't remember what I did the night before. The other night after drinking a lot of wine and bourbon I thought I got tanked and passed out so I apologized the next day to a friend for not calling them back. They said, "what do you mean? we talked on the phone for about 45 minutes..." I can't remember anything remotely resembling a conversation that evening. As far as I was concerned I came home and went straight to bed. When I drink I don't just have a glass of wine either- I drink the whole fucking bottle and then find anything else that is alcoholic to drink down. Nothing in moderation for me. Extremism and excess all the way. And yet the beginning of every month is a new opportunity to stop drinking. So the month of March may or may not yeild a success story. We'll see, once the jaundice has drained from my eyes.