Sunday, May 29, 2005

New Leaf

Attending perhaps the greatest party ever, I found myself in a weird space of old drinking buddies from the days of the Dead. I couldn't resist the pull of the free Local Organic Ale but when asked the third time if I wanted to dose I said,"To go!" I was feeling paranoid, lots of cameras and videos capturing the moment, I supposed it was just the age of information creeping into ho downs. The camping scene reminded me of the good old days of tripping and drinking like a fish all night long. This was the blast from the past, it couldn't be cooler, the headlining band was a dead cover band. Everybody dancing,...
Except me, I couldn't go back to the past no matter how good it looked, it looked bad in many other ways, it looked stagnant. I didn't even want to hang there as I looked around at all the folks whose lives were on hold.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Who's Counting

Back in the day, it was unique to see all that was consumed. Lately, it would be a bit boring as all I do now is get high by smoking and/or ingesting herb. In fact, I pretty much stay that way during non-work hours. However, when it get's stressful as it does during this time of year, I just party right through it, true pro. The other day, I used up the rest of my soymilk to make the weekend bhang, so on Monday when I needed cream in my Green Tea I used the last of my weekend bhang. Now weekend bhang is quite a mix, capable of downing a large animal, this elixir always has the heavy duty tranquilizing effect. Well even in tiny amounts I found myself with a nice steady high all day. Other than forgetting what the fuck I was saying midway through the day went quite well. Things are as they are, stress only on those things you have control over, it was beautiful having a perma-grin all day thinking these deep thoughts. It's too bad the rest of the world could have felt as I did on that day. I guarantee you that we would find world peace and productivity would actually increase because we wouldn't spend all our time bickering and back stabbing. Well it's a nice thought, but until that day there's gonna be war!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Northern California Driving

There is something to be said about driving in Northern California. I first discovered its uniqueness when I had a friend be in utter disbelief that I would give up driving with an open container for a News Years resolution. He said,"Dude I couldn't even imagine driving with an open container in my town (which by Nor Cal standards is actually a "city".) So why is it so easy? Imagine flat straight roads with excellent visibility, now imagine hardly no lights nor traffic. Now add hardly no cops, just occasional sheriffs who are fighting the Meth War and care less about doing a Highway Patrol job. The only time I got pulled over, I explained that I was also in the business of serving the community and he said, "Sounds good to me." and he let me go. The conditions lend itself well with the ability to engage in multi-task behavior while driving. Some worry about talking on cell phones while driving, hell I'm talking on my phone, jotting down notes of things to do, reading the paper, changing cds, scanning the horizon for cops and slow cars, eating breakfast, studying the bug spats on my windshield, and admiring the landscape- the full moon rising as the sun is simultaneously setting. All this activity while I drive without thought or effort often ending up at my destination wondering, "How did I get here so fast, I don't even remember driving?!" So open containers are out but the obvious loophole to the resolution is that I can still drive with a packed bowl which leads to deep thoughts over math word problems such as: If Car A was traveling 45 miles at 60 mph through a couple towns with stops signs and carB took a 50 mile route at speeds up to 90mph without stop signs, which car would arrive first? I've been both carA and carB before. If I'm too high, I choose the routes that involve the fewest number of turns and stops, which is a choice that most folks don't have.

People do lose their lives on the roads out here, they try to pass in the oncoming lane without proper judgement. Some simply drift off the road or onto the oncoming lane. That's why despite the comforts of Northern California Driving, you must always be aware of those folks they can ruin your day.

Monday, May 23, 2005


Happiness is being high 24/7 over the weekend, slamming excessive amounts of Black tea to face Monday, have a shitty day and return home to your children dancing around to Jack Johnson and your wife leading you into the laundry room because she has something for you. A two foot bong packed with iced water (The cubes actually in the tube!) and fresh Northern Cali bud = Happiness

Monday, May 16, 2005


Almost a year ago we received this tincture that was supposedly made out of a bunch of herb and put in a glycerin base. It tasted sweet and a whole lot like Ganja but it was only able to reach the "kind of, sort of, high," level. So I bailed on it but then I saw it recently and decided to take it with me on a fieldtrip to this rollercoaster park. Well, it seemed to work better than I had recalled. Perhaps at the time, I was consuming mass quantities this killer Oregon bud and the point of reference was a bit off. Needless to say, it worked and I had to think what a pro I am to think of the tincture on a school fieldtrip! I was able to to tolerate lasting conversations about cheerleading and No Child Left Behind, while being trapped on a school bus for three hours! I had the most magical moments in the butterfly house! And when my eyes turned blazed, I blamed it on allergies, put on my shades and turned on the ipod nice and loud.
Still no alcohol, but setting new ganja consumption records. I got so high over the weekend drinking green tea and bhang that I felt as if I were taking serious nitrous hits as I blew bubbles for my kids.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


It's been about 10 days since my last drink. See there it is again, I'm always looking for that mystical number. The mystical number that I use to prevent that which I know is bad from entering my life. In this case, it happened to come on the first day of the fifth month. May first 2005; Five One Five; 515. The first week has been easy with the help of a daily supply of vicodin and post work bowls. Even though a Mai Tai sounded good today... I knew I would just get stupid and it would cut a few hours off my night of reading and/or watching DVD's. So this week it's only a hit of weed in the evening and then text week I will be sober. Stone cold sober. But the one reality I know is that nothing is permanent because everything flows like water from center of our heart.

Down on Alcohol

I went sober for a month then I recently attended a conference which had very little to do with workshops and more to do with getting together to drink and gamble. So I drank and fell into the same pattern,.. I drank too much and I drank too much because I was gambling and when you are gambling the cocktail waitress keeps coming by and being pro you never want to say no I'm good. Instead I found myself literally pounding beer to kept up with her coming by asking. No story kind of long, I drank to the point I was gambling at 25 dollar blackjack tables and just getting fuzzy on the details of the night. The next day I could feel the impact of the drinking the night before. People would come up to me and ask me how long I stayed playing roulette (I would think roulette?!? I played roulette?!?!) Alcohol is just bad news and my trip confirmed it. I was grateful just to win my money back, some how by the grace of JAH or it might have been that last hand where I doubled down and won over 100 dollars!
The conference was like a proving ground, I proved that I can still drink like a fish but I just didn't care for it. I ended up the last night getting high on Bhang and jacked on caffeine and playing video games instead of drinking and gambling. In the end I woke up without a hangover and without that rotten dirty feeling of losing a bunch of money by gambling it away. Now I'm home and I'm back on the sobriety train, in that I don't drink, please don't get me wrong I still enjoy the altered states of ingesting/smoking herb.

Bhang Bhang

My drug of choice is Ganja Bhang. I make up a strong batch for the weekend and drink it all day and all night. I stay optimally high 24/7 and by monday morning while I take a shit at work it smells well kind of like Bhang, like I drank so much of it, my stools are smelling like it! Last weekend I blew my cover a bit, while we were waiting for a Mother's Day table at our favorite restuarant. My dear wife took a swig off the jar and before we had pancakes she was high as a kite. "I thought you drank this whole jar!" she said. I replied,"I do but usually over the course of the day." Now visualize being really high, and your significant other joins you, no biggie right!?! Now add a packed resturant for Mother's Day breakfast and two wild boys hungry as can be. It's a good thing I'm such a pro, most would fold in those kinds of situations. To make thing complicated we had a gift certificate that read "breakfast for two with coffee." Our server said,"Oh we comp everything, if I were you I would order everything on the menu and some togo boxes!" Don't you love servers who screw the business for the sake of a tip! Well we order sides of this and that, extra pancakes, and basically took his advise leaving him a healthy 8 dollar tip. Now imagine eating to capacity at your favorite restuarant, nothing a little bhang couldn't cure. As spent the rest of the day together, I began to feel a little sorry for my dear wife as she kept commenting that she was still high,.. which of course is the point especially for the weekends.