Sunday, July 17, 2005

How to get High in the Woods without the Young Ones Knowing

Family camping trips are a great way to get out and enjoy nature. Add Mother Nature’s herb and you are on your way to enjoy any outing. While my kids are still young enough to have no clue about Daddy’s habit, I did recently go out camping for 10 days with my nephews who are ages 10 and 12. This presented a totally new challenge because not only are they more aware of sites and smells they are also very snoopy and sneak around themselves trying to find the hidden stash of chocolate, soda and or gum. I became inspired to help others out with this challenge by providing a guidebook to getting high without your younger party knowing why you are now suddenly in a better mood.

Wake and Bake- Being a morning person I found myself getting up early and just smoking entire bowls solo with Nature. In fact, I really tried to get so high that I wouldn’t need to get baked again until early afternoon. Problem was that getting really high in the morning makes for slow departure times, so after getting high you start to make a huge pot of tea.

Ingestibles of choice: Bhang and brownies, both provide excellent long term highs that can become virtually unnoticed with a good supply of water and Visine.
My Bhang I labeled “Nerve Tea- Do Not Drink!” The kids actually thought I had some sort of nerve problem which works great when it comes to controlling their behavior. “Ya’ll better quiet down your Uncle has a nerve problem.” But the bhang did not last much longer than a day or two. The brownies were a blessing but they were dangerous to have stashed as they would be a tempting find for any young kid. In fact there were times that I thought that the unusual kid behavior I was seeing was a result of one of them getting into my brownies. When the entire pan was consumed in less than a week (The temptation to see how much I can consume and still be awake always pulls me in the direction of mass consumption.) I had to resort to smoking.

To smoke without being caught you basically need to have an excuse to be solo.

“I got to go back and get something in my car.”- Always a great way to return to the car and hot box the car. Be sure to crack the windows though because the odor and smoke seem to linger.

Throw a slight fit of frustration and then announce- “I just need some time alone, I’m going to take a short walk by myself.”

My personal favorite, “I need to take a shit in the woods.” No one will follow you and you have a great excuse to wash your hands when you return.

Delegate the older kids to watch the younger ones. Since the younger ones require constant supervision and they go all over the place, it usually keeps them occupied enough to burn one down.

And now the tools of deception:
Clear Eyes and or Visine
A tincture of “Peppermint Spirits” Mentha piperita Liquid extract from the HerbPharm- Caution very strong, a few drops are all you need. However, if you have terrible cottonmouth you can take a dropper full and it’s so strong that it will instantly make your mouth water.

I hardest thing though is keeping your supply hidden and secure. Also as a smoker you are never really sure how bad you reek because you just don’t smell yourself in the same light!


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