Monday, May 21, 2007

Lines of Adderal

It's been a while. Things have changed. I'm addicted to adderal, I drink and smoke more than ever. Each day I wake up thinking, I can't really pull this off? I take a pill and I do. I plan to get off the stuff this summer, I couldn't imagine the rest of my life doing this and feeling this way.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Toothless Wonder

I've been trying out this medication for ADHD called Adderal. It is quite the medicine for the 21st century. My work productivity is up, my attitude is up, and well I'm up almost every night. I have no urges to smoke herb but when faced with another restless night, I puff steady until the hits feel like N2O. I crave alcohol but that seems to be a result of not eating and needing quick and easy calories. A part of me wants to bail on this but each day I wake up, I want to take my pill because I'm so damn efficient while on it, also I worry about the withdrawal. Something being so damn good and from a chemical source leads me to believe that it is harsh on your system when you quit. I worry about being a tweeker as the medicine has such a speed vibe, coupled with a few bong hits, I found myself shopping at the Grocery Outlet (A store that specializes in cheap outdated food products, at your own risk!) buying a fucking Christmas edition Snickerbar with a quart of Gatorade flavored as "ice" which looked like some funky antifreeze liquid. So like any great drug the more you talk about it the more you want it, so I'll cut this short and go pop another Adderal and finish up that Gatorade and eat the other snicker for breakfast.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Self Medication

From time to time, I go to a counselor just to check in with someone else's perspective. I prefer to keep my own but I'm easily entertained by others diagnosis. Apparently, this counselor believes I have ADD and should be treated with Atterol (sp?). My drug use is self medicating behavior and once I'm on other drugs I will no longer need to take my current drugs? I found it interesting as I prefer the sedative drugs and sedative music. With ADD they give you some high powered amphetamine. I say, wow that's interesting legal speed, I should be better able to complete assignments with that. However, I said if it doesn't work should we try the sedative route? The counselor said, "no because that would lead to addiction." I replied, "What's wrong with addition?" I love tweeking out counselors.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

It's that Easy

You go to the doctor's office, I prefer the "Doc in the Box" kind of places where they really don't get to know you, they simply turn over the patients as fast as possible. It's a drug store in disguise, they even know which pharmacy has the shortest wait. I hurt my rib snowboarding, I think it's broken, I'm having problems breathing because it hurts so bad. They check your oxygen count and reassure you that nothing is punctured. They Xray you, only to share with you how they really can't tell much on rib xrays especially fractures, the curve in your ribs convolutes the photo xray with ribs criss crossing all over the place. The doctor says, while it's hard to tell judging by your reported pain, it must be a fracture. Fractures can take up to 8 weeks to heal, and are a very common snowboarding injury (downhill edge). The only thing you can do is ice it and medicate. The script Extra Strength Vicodin, horse tablet size,....40 in all with one automatic refill!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Just Say N2O

So my son has this dental work and I recommended N2O. The dentist said fine but he recommended that my pregnant wife not be in the room while the N2O was flowing. This of course interested me. I was expecting to feel something, but all I felt was a rage of jealousy as my son sat there smiling from ear to ear with his bubble gum scented nose piece. I got a weird look from the dentist when I coached my son to hit it deep, big deep breath, all through the nose baby! When they all stepped out for a minute, I was hella tempted to hit it but I figured my son would narc me out. I told the story to my office staff, but was quite cautious not to elude that I indeed love N2O, just that they used it on my son. When 2 out of the 3 employees commented how they love N2O, I figured that I really shouldn't be too concerned about enjoying yourself or that I'm quite blessed to work with these like minded folks!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


I've been taking 4,000mg of Vitamin C daily to fend off the harvest hack. Of course, slamming beers and taking massive BTs and smoking shake doobs doesn't help fend off the hack but does bring a certain amount of happiness to the whole reality. My man just bro-ed me so hard with his trimmings (half gallon worth) and an ounce of killer herb tincture (It actually works!!). Happy holidays Gratis Free. So I thought, shit when you think about it I spend $1,680 a year feeding my 6 ounce a year habit. It's certainly a symbiotic relationship. Need that cash to feed that jones. I of course, question the reality. Can $1,680 be worth complete happiness for one year? What does my neighbor pay for his happiness?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Round and Round

The joint was jumping going round and round. I feel the warmth of my external hard drive. Who feels it knows it. Slugging cheap Mexican beer trying to be somewhere else. Knowing this is nowhere. Gravity takes its' toll. As I spark another bowl. 'cause I had to dance.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Netty Dread

Fall is my favorite season. Harvest, welcoming cool weather, colors and leaves falling and Jagermeister. I'm enjoying free downloading and searching for music at:

For other compulsive sites:

Guaranteed to keep you coming back!

Thursday, November 09, 2006


We have ants, millions of ants, enough to freak out. Ants in the garbage, ants on the floor, ants covering the honey jar, ants on dirty dishes and the coffee grinds spilled in the freezer, turn out to be a massive number of frozen ants. They are everywhere, we have to refrigerate and freeze sweets to keep the ants away. Despite the fact they are an annoyance and in mass numbers, freak me out they have another side which I observed. They are small little black ants with a mission. They are cooperative, hard working and strong compared to body mass. Why would they annoy anyone? They don’t bite, they stay in a pretty tight line? Then I thought, what would happen if they received some second hand smoke? So I conducted an experiment but by the time I was exhaling I swore I saw them do the cha cha, a real quick back and forth kind of move. Then during the next session, I started seeing them in a 3 dimensional telephoto zoom kind of way, and by the time they were breathing and bubbling with the rhythm of my our breath, I called it quits, in fact I forgot why I had successfully hot boxed the garage. I stepped over the line of ants and went back inside my house.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Same But Different

It’s all about the same. Only big difference, I’m working so close to home that when things get stressful, I can easily go home and puff, chill for a while, take a walk in the park and then return to work. I’ve been trying to get off the alcohol ever since I had to be excused at the dinner table because I had the spins. Problem is I’m an addict, so I go cold turkey with alcohol while discovering the multitude of pain killers left over from my meningitis daze. It’s doesn’t matter what they are, I just make sure it says something like, may cause dizziness, drowsiness, don’t operate a vehicle and my favorite, don’t drink alcohol – I’m like yep that’s me! I found a beer tonight and figured I’ll drink it with the ones that say don’t drink and celebrate a month of no alcohol.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Blissful Eternity in Death

The whole idea is that we must drop all social norms and comparisons and points of reference. Disregard and let go of all the concepts of what you should of, would of, could of, done or been. It is what it is, your own movie, sit back and relax. There is tremendous room to experience life's unfolding events, experience them while they occur and pass away. Movement through life happens within a vast space. Whatever happens in one's lifetime, luck, misfortune, pain, joy, birth, death. Whether you're stoned or sober experience them completely, without philosophical and political overlays, or judging attitudes to make things seem what they are not.
In life we are trapped, only in our minds, because there are endless opportunities for creating new pathways, exploring one's creative mind, taking on new challenges, and there are many more opportunities yet unknown in the total improvisation of life. When you let go of your ego and free your mind, you begin to see it just as it is. Letting go of your ego has the quality of becoming a solid spiritual being having a human experience. With this new full range of transcendental bliss, it is possible to experience the uniqueness and vividness of life, but remember this beingness is not based on stoney thoughts, fantasies, norms, or fears, it just is.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


How's this for a druggies delight. I hurt my back and got hooked up with the standard issue, muscle relaxants, vicodin, and IB profin the size of a salt lick. All within a five minute visit to the emergent care. I see the chiro who after a few adjustments suggests that the back pain is a results of breathing in smoke (she is thinking the seasonal rice burning) to the point where my lungs can't take it, they get irritated and inflamed, causing a back ache which goes from my back to the sternum. I get home take massive bong hits, back starts feeling bad, I pop pills. At this rate and this vicious cycle, I can successfully destroy my liver! But at least I'll enjoy the ride!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Top Democrats Throw Support to Lamont

Top Democrats Throw Support to Lamont: "Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee chairman Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) threw their support behind Connecticut upset winner Ned Lamont this morning, saying, in part, 'Both we and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC) fully support Mr. Lamont's candidacy.'"

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Midnight Raven

I'm kind of sick discussing drugs. One day I'm an alcoholic addicted to marijuana, the next I'm simply allowing myself to enjoy life. I can suck down a whole bottle of wine and still be standing, I can consume a half ounce of kind Nor Cal in under a month's time and still be a professional. I'm just like anyone and not like anyone. Not here to live up to your expectations, your not here to live up to mine. Waking up at 3am because my THC count dropped. 'cuse me while spark a bowl.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Fire on the mountain

Whoa! Right out of my studio door I can see a huge plume of smoke. It looks absolutely eerie.