Sunday, September 18, 2005


So I was given some time to chill at home as a part of our attempts to reduce stress and renew myself. I found myself in the last couple days listening to a lot of Neil Young, Elvis, and James Taylor. I saw the pattern, all the musicians struggled throughout their careers with their own addictions and here I was feeling their pain, feeling the jones. I poured out all my herb, not down the drain,...but rather on a table. I admired the various nugs in the sunshine, even outside the herb was stinky and a bit sticky, I couldn't resist, I got out the bubbler and tried to create my own Amsterdam scene. Outside table under the shade of the bright and beautiful day, iced green tea, bubbler and a small heap of Northern Cali green bud with James Taylor singing,

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
So look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

I never quite heard that song in this context before, forget Jesus I just can't make it through another day. I picked out the best bud and proceeded into a serious session. I hadn't puffed like that since I had a puffing buddy. Pancake and I would eat macrobiotic foods and puff to a point of no end. We would lay on the floor and listen to listen without saying anything, perhaps the closest I would ever get to an opium den.
I took an intermission from the session and went inside to do something, I didn't know what I got up for but there I was looking around the house for a reason. I saw the dishes were stacked high so I started washing dishes, then I washed some clothes and started doing a bunch of domestic chores while I pounded the green tea. I was back to my old self, get high produce get high produce no time to waste barely time to think. An hour later, I came back outside to the table where I started. I couldn't continue, the point was to relax. It was the chicken or egg thing, is the herb making work and keep busy or is the work keeping my desire to get high? Either way it didn't matter, I think I learned that it is extremely hard for me to relax and stop doing. So I got on the trip of being instead of doing. I filled the inflatable raft outside with water and laid down in it soaking up the sun, forcing myself to relax.


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