Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Next Step

After spending the weekend under the influence of poppy tea and endless bonghits,...Monday came around. Monday's are frightening. I'm constipated from the poppies and I feel like throwing up continuially. This is not to mention the whole world seeming not real, like some bad independent movie which I am one of the stars. I go through the motions sensing a real disconnect. It's survival at best. No amount of tea in the world can pull me out of the dreamlike qualities of a Monday. I panic over money, I panic over career moves, I panic over the endurance, I panic over being known as someone I'm not.
I call a counselor and right over the phone she asks if I'm depressed. I told her it makes me depressed for someone to think I'm depressed and even if I were depressed, it would make me more depressed to take antidepressants. I hate conselors because they make you reflect n patterns and habits. I filled out the form she sent and it made way too much sense, you need to lay that big spike down. Sad but true, I can't go on like this forever, I must be worthy of imitation for the sake of my children. I can't keep saying the bong is a flower vase, considering I pay so much attention to it without ever putting flowers in it. So I have three choices: keep doing what I've always been doing, go sober completely, or switch to more socially accepted drugs like pills and booze. This sucks but so does hitting rock bottom. I could be like The Band, the dude from The Far Side, Steinfield, and others who quit at their peak. I assure you all I will not get hooked on Jesus. He was a cool dude in Birkenstocks but not my savior.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

No naps at preschool
I am what one might call a 'Militant Nap Enforcer'. I believe there are three reasons I survived the first two-and-a-half years of my life as a mother of two: Zoloft, happy hour and naptime.
with this stuff it is now possible for you to work from home and forget about your boss and commuting forever. Take control and make your own future while you still have the time

6:43 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home