Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Glass Part 420

So I puff a bowl and go to the local head shop to buy another glass bong. This is not easy for me, for starters I'm somewhat high profile in the community (no pun of course) and secondly, the store sits in front of a very busy street in town. Also, I feel a bit weird inside head shops because I'm a bit older, it feels like the play area at a fast food restaurant, you want to, it's fun, but really you are too old to partake. It's almost like I'm old enough and straight looking enough to work for the DEA or something. None the less, I park out in front of the store and study the flow of traffic, hoping to bust out of my car as soon as the coast is clear. Then a big truck parks in back of me blocking my view, I say fuck it and just make a run for the door.
Once inside, I make my way straight to the back knowing the generic design of just about every head shop. This college aged woman employee comes over and ask if she could help me. I proceed to tell her the story of my bong breaking and that I'm looking for one just like it. She has this very sad look on her face and says, "Well if the bong has sentimental value we do offer a repair service and for a break like you are describing it would cost about $100." I quickly figured out that if I wanted to fix it it would cost more than a new bong,....It's not that sentimental. I said, "oh no thanks, it's just a bong, nothing is permanent." I selected a nice glass bong and then she suggested that if I were going to spend that kind of money for this bong that I would want to consider the "glass on glass" model. "Glass on glass" is superior because there is no rubber and the connection while hitting the bong is far superior. While it was cool to hear how bongs evolved, I was thinking of all the chokers I've been able to achieve with the traditional rubber parts. She then started to dry hit the two bongs to demonstrate. I was still thinking of the sentimental value of a bong. I started creeping out thinking about this sales clerk dry hitting every bong in the store at one time or another. Meanwhile, this guy (another salesclerk) starts puffing tobacco out of this hooka. He comments what a fine African tobacco it is as if to justify the store's tobacco water pipes. I panic and say, "I'll just take this one please wrap it up." As the woman is packing it up, she says that because I bought a bong today I will be entered in the drawing for this bong valued at,...$420!! She points to this case and sure enough, there is this huge glass bong with all kinds of bells and whistles on it. The raffle will take place on 4/20, we are having a free BBQ and then doing the raffle. I fill out my name and then she says, you must be present to win. I visualize being at a head shop on 4/20 surrounded by other users celebrating a user holiday, hoping to win a bong that is at least 4 feet 20 inches tall!! I take a deep breath before I open the door, with my bong wrapped in a large black garbage bag in one hand, I dart outside to my car, no eye contact, bong close to my leg, I jump right into my car,...Operation complete.
I go home a try out the new bong and tell my story to my wife who is encouraging me to go to the BBQ. I tell her that I would go only for the story in hopes of some day creating a picture book about what everyone does around the world during 4/20.
I ponder the whole sentimental value thing and come up with the following vision:
When your bong breaks you can take it to me and for a small fee I can crush the bong into a fine powder of glass and then return it to you in a nice container that you could put above the fireplace. During anniversaries of your bong breaking you can set small buds out next to the container as an offering. You would even have the choice to have your bong crushed solo or with other bongs for the more economical option. I think I'm on to something bigger than pet rocks, it must have something to do with me being born at 4:19pm.


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