Friday, February 03, 2006

Marijuana Pipes

So I get the tip that Johnny has marijuana pipes in his backpack. I take him out of his Special Ed class and bring him back to my office. He is a cancer survivor and the early childhood chemo treatments left him with a slow brain and spotty clumps of hair. I wondered if he could have a medical marijuana prescription and that would trump my potential bust. "Do you have anything in your possession that you shouldn't?" "no" "Well there is only one way to find out about that, may I search your backpack?" The boy takes on a guilty look and says, "sure." I immediately find two handmade pipes. They remind me of when I was a kid and I used to go to the hardware store and buy brass pipe fittings to piece together a pipe. These are worse, the pieces don't even fit and there is an excessive amount of duct tape involved to keep the pieces together. I ask,"Where did you get these?" He says, "I made them last night in my shed at my house." "What were you planning to do with them?" "Give them to my friend." I say,"Alright you need to sit in the other room while I call your mom." I call mom thinking how best to break the news. "Johnny has been found in possession of two marijuana pipes, ma'am." She freaks out! "no no no no no!" "I saw he was making something last night in the shed but those are not marijuana pipes!" "ma'am, they are marijuana pipes and he will be suspended for the next three days." "Did he say that they are marijuana pipes?" A small detail I really never established. I look at the random metal pieces taped together. One looks like a straight one hitter and the other looks like a sorry ass pipe that Sherlock Holmes would smoke, but it has so much duct tape on it, it's really hard to be certain it's even a pipe. Then it dawns on me, perhaps I assumed that they were pipes because I'm a pro myself. I bust a slight sweat, "ma'am you are welcomed to come down yourself and take a look." She replies, "I'll be right over!" In a panic, I call the boy back in,...."So tell me, how did you know how to make a MARIJUANA pipe?" "Why isn't there a screen for this MARIJUANA pipe?" "Why did you make a MARIJUANA pipe?" He replied,"I was mad at my teachers for giving me bad grades, so that got me confused." I thinking shit, he doesn't even have an alibi that makes sense! "How did you know how to make a MARIJUANA pipe?" "I saw things like it in a store window once." In the fifteen minutes it took mom to get to my office, I had successfully coached him into realizing that they were marijuana pipes afterall. I must have said marijuana pipes 50 times in that short period. Of course, I felt a little slimy and bad but it worked, the boy successful told his mom that they were marijuana pipes and I was off the hook.


Blogger Gava Joe said...

Gawd! What a freakin' hypocrite! I've enjoyed your ability (knack) for balancing job, family life, obligations with euphoric escapades at every opportunity, but Holy Cow Beaver............

4:39 AM  

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