Saturday, March 18, 2006

Just Say N2O

So I was in this store called, the Grocery Outlet. I'm not sure how I got there, I was looking for something across town and having attention deficit disorder, I simply got distracted by the fruit trees out in front of the store. I went inside to see what I may be missing and sure enough I just got creeped out by shit selling for rock bottom prices on stuff that has expired!!! Isn't there some sort of law preventing that!?! I wasn't complaining when I saw three for a dollar whipped cream in a can. I assumed that chocolate whipped cream wasn't such a big seller, but I wasn't interested in the flavor. I bought up a bunch and drove about a half block and sat in my car, music real loud and sucked down the whipped cream. Hippie Crack, I thought, such a joneser for altered states of reality. I was having flashbacks to the days of the Dead parking lot, seeing hippies fall and hit their heads on the pavement only to buy another over priced balloon. Than I recalled a time when my man had a tank and occasionally would throw nitrous parties. The lowest low was when my other friend got a tank filled at an automotive place only for the automotive place to mix their nitrous with lead. We thought it was lead, it sure tasted awful and I eventually stopped because the high wasn't worth the taste and the potential brain damage. Then there was the time in high school when my girlfriend worked at an ice cream store which had nitrous for their whipped cream. She would fill up balloons full of nitrous and hand them to me in broad daylight in front of costumers and everything!!

The problem with nitrous is that
A. It kills massive brain cells and
B. You jones for something so short lived.

I took a massive hit off the chocolate whipped cream had one last wha wha wha and then brought home my last bottle of whipped cream to share with my family. Along the way I stopped at a store front to throw away the empty cans in a garbage can. I was left wondering what the person looking for aluminum cans thought when I said, excuse me, and dumped all these gasless cans of whipped cream away. The whipped cream was a big hit (no pun) when I got home, the kids ate it up, I guess it starts with sugar addiction. The worse was allowing my 5 year old to do his own whipped cream, he really didn't know that it had to be pointed down and when he started to press on the nozzle and gas was escaping, you should of saw my reaction. NO! I darted to the can, realizing the jones hook, I quickly modeled the correct way,.....To make the whipped cream come out without wasting the precious, oh so precious gas. I said, "if you let the gas escape then you waste the whipped cream because it won't come out." All the while thinking "but it's o.k. to waste the whipped cream if you are sucking down the gas!"


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