Saturday, January 08, 2005

The Beer and the Pills - they call you

More and more - I can feel myself sadly returning to my old ways. 10 million beers and 10 million pounds of sleeping pills. I used to drink 3 40 oz beers a day (for starters). Now I usually drink 1 or 2 beers (12 oz bottles) every week - pretty good huh?

But lately I can feel the beer calling. Why?
I know why. I can swim in beer. I can drink beer until 2023 nonstop. Drinking beer gives me no hangover (I know. amazing). Beer relaxes me. Beer makes it easy to decide what is and what is not fun. Beer makes it easy to talk to whomever I want to and say exactly what I mean (which is a hit or miss). I'm drinking a god damn beer - right fucking now.
It's a RHEINGOLD. Read about it here:

Also - I have just swallowed an AMBIEN. Read about AMBIEN here:

I can't sleep worth dick lately. It takes me an AMBIEN to fall asleep. Usually I finally fall asleep around 1am - and usually I wake up for no good fucking reason around 4am. I don't know what it is about 4 fucking AM. Every time I look at the clock it's 4 god damn fucking AM - and I'm wide awake. The other day I woke up at 4am and said to myself "OK fuck you. I'm getting up and taking myself out for a Dunkin Donut!!" - and I did. And it was good. And you can read about Dunkin god damn Donut right fucking here:

Fuck sleep.
Sleep, you don't love me. Everyone else in the world can sleep. Most people lay the fuck down and fall the fuck asleep. Me? I lay down - cozy, tired - settle in - close my eyes - and FUCKING LAY THERE FOR HOURS - until the pills kick in. If by chance there are no pills for me to take - I'm fucked. I'll lay there until the sun comes up - with my eyes closed - just laying there like an idiot - tired. Nothing happens. The machine does not work. The switch does not flip.

So tonight I'm giving in to beer and pills. If beer and pills were people - I would invite them over and cook them a nice meal and give them presents and shower them with my love.

Sad though - I feel like I've made some progress away from beer and pills. But in truth I need them so badly.

(just gonna ramble on here until my pills kick in. Then I'm gonna go hop into bed with my girl)
Today I roamed New York City. Filming everything.
For Christmas I received a new (very small) Digital Video Camera. I've been filming random things around Manhattan lately. I'm really sad that I literally have no hard drive left for all my film shit I've captured. Already - I have outgrown this eMac that I bought in May 2004.

I filmed the World Trade Center site today. I was thinking about how soon (in a few years) it'll be gone. I'm sad. I've come know it so well as it is: all fucked up (a hole in the ground). They're gonna clean it all up and make it all Disney. The plans for the new site suck (in my opinion). I know it's a little morbid, but I wish they would just leave it alone how it is. There's a feeling I get when I look at it. And ya know if you haven't seen it - then you should. Then you might know what I mean. There's a quiet radiation that you feel when you stand there and look through the fence at this giant hole in the earth. Inside of yourself you know - that something awful happened right here. People (with lives, families, and friends) were on fire & jumped to their death right where you're standing. And even worse - Dickhead Bush and friends used this as a tool to fool the nation further into a state of fear and paranoia and to go kill 100's of thousands of innocent people in order to push business deals through the back doors so the rich get richer and the power insures itself for the future. I hate thinking these people died in vain.

There's a saying I've always said to myself: "Only great adversity can destroy the beast of decadence."
Maybe I'm wrong.

...well I finished my beer...I might go get another one......

:::::To jahjahfue:::::
- I read your post below and I feel for you. Waking up in the middle of the night is just not right. I'm sorry that happens to you - I know how it feels. And yeah - TEA rocks COFFEE!!!

(there should be a baseball team called THE DRUGS and they should all take tons of DRUGS and WIN. What City would they be in??)


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