this is a blog posting BEFORE I get drunk
So here I am at work.
It's almost 5. All day I'm thinking about 1 thing: GETTING DRUNK!
I used to be so good. I quit for a while.
Before that I drank TWO 40 oz. a day (sometimes 3 or a few 6 packs).
You could say I had a talent for drinking beer.
My body was getting that beer bloat fat - nasty.
Then something awful happened (no, not a DUI, something else).
After I was released from the hospital all I wanted to do was jog.
And I did. And it was great. And I lost a lot of weight.
Everyone kept saying - "wow, you lost weight & you're not drunk"
Now, slowly but surely, the need to get drunk is coming back.
But this time it's Sake - not beer.
I like to get a bottle of Sake & poor it into a water bottle.
I walk down the crowded streets of Manhattan drinking Sake from my Sparkletts water bottle. Even past cops - cuz why the fuck not?
Some days, craving bliss can be like weather. Natural. Powerful.
You just wake up & it's there like the clouds or the rain.
I was sitting on a bench on my lunch hour watching people walk by Grand Central Station. I was looking at people thinking about: What makes us 'Human'?
It's intellect, sensitivity, and compassion.
Yet, some people don't have it. Who are they? And what kind of world is it they create? Fuck them!
New York is so strangely alone. Everyone walks around disconnected and completely enclosed in their mind. Nobody looks at eachother. I've been here a year & made only 1 friend. However, this friend was "given" to me by a friend from California.
I sat at that bench today & realized this: I don't belong here
Some day soon I'll be moving back to California ("I'm goin back to Cali").
And some day soon I'll have to face the fact that I'm an alcoholic and I need help.
13 minutes left to go. Then it's DRUNK TIME!